Death and Life

Where do I begin?  Pain.  Crushing pain. Hard to breathe pain.  We have stopped asking each other why we are sighing – we know why.  A million questions.  Few answers.  I’m hungry but I don’t feel like eating.  I eat but I’m not hungry.  I am so tired but I can’t sleep.  I sleep but I’m too tired to get up.

I held my son while my wife unwrapped the wire from his neck.  We watched while the EMT’s tried to force air into a dead body.  His intense pain was over.  Ours was just beginning.  I yelled at him “We could have made it!  Why did you give up?”  I don’t know why except that he said “It’s just to hard”.

I will never say that it has been easy.  BUT in all the darkness and pain we are feeling an anointing from God that is so powerful, so refreshing, and calming.  I can’t really describe it.  It is amazing.  I don’t know what it means but I know that there is hope.  Please hear me – we are not waiting for the anointing.  The anointing is already here even though we are still suffering.  We think of injury, healing, and then relief – in that order.  This is all three combined at the same time.

God is good.  His presence is in us.  In the darkest moments He shines.  We don’t look for the dark moments but know that when they hit He is with you.

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the [d]valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no [e]evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

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2 thoughts on “Death and Life

  1. I miss him too. I have his picture on my coffee table. I ask the same thing, why did you give up? I shared my dinner with him just a few weeks before. He made me laugh. I loved his smile. Why didn’t I spend time with him? I wish I had seen him play soccer. I wish I had been there for him. I wish I had told him what I went thru and how God saved me from killing my father and myself. So many regrets. So much pain.

  2. None of us wish for these terribly hard, dark times,but I would never give up the growth we experienced when our daughter died. I learned first hand that God’s grace truely is sufficient. Continuing to hold you guys before the throne of grace.

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